at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
