i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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