i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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