hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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