batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
