when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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