just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
