I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
