I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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