i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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