I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sober January is a disaster.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
