Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
