she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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