i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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