if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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