Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
