Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
