whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
