Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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