Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
