he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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