Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
