If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
