just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
