He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
