i need an iv and a liver transplant
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
