We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drake has all the answers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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