well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
