Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are we still banned from the library?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
