thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
