I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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