toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
