No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
