I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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