I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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