Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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