I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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