i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
whose ass print is on the piano?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
