your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
