brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
