I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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