Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
