So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
