I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
