I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
