Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How naked do you want me to be?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
