I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
