Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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