did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
