I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We're too hungover to prance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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