i came on her dog
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
