I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
