You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
